Lost

This piece manifested from nowhere. I don't know how it came to creation. One night I was loathing in self pity, drinking, making art, listening to music, crying as I drank more and more desperately trying to forget the false reality we live in and my problems I cannot create or earn my way out off. Many songs and drinks later I had no clue where my path lead me... endless code and little thought into my subconscious manifesting away. I woke up the next morning broken as usual, 15 hours sleep, wishing for an end when I noticed this piece on my externa hard drive... no recollection of creating it, nor what it means frightened and a shadow of my true self I look on to what the deepest pocket of my mind already had planned. This was the moment I knew id lost. I knew in this moment I was going to kill myself, maybe not today, this week, month but I knew I was merely holding a leak. only 1 crack from being torn in two. I knew it was part of me, my soul and that nothing on Earth could bring me back. The only thing that stopped me for so many years was some guilt of leaving debts and problems to those closest to me. I often lay in bed wondering "how could I do it", "what are the pro's and cons to my exit". I never had a desire for anything since around 25 years old, I wanted nothing from this World for myself, I was used to having little growing up in middle to lower class society, surrounded by people who didn't want anything but a holiday and to survive. I never wanted that, all I wanted was to represent "better is possible, we can make change to ourselves and the World can be better". I spent a lot of years being selfish, sorry fam, I love you... believe it or not I was never doing it for me. None of that matters now. This is my last artwork before I die, let it save those I loved, I left instructions to the wallet. I never wanted anything else from all I do online, artistically or sacrificially but to help them. Don't feel bad this was always meant to be. See you in another life when were both rats.