The Nightsong

I used to have night terrors in my 20s, startled from sleep by the idea of death. When we are awake, our brain shields us from our mortal truth by refusing to link our self with it. Death is something that happens to others, not to us. Waking up too quickly for this primal mechanism to kick in left me to staring right at my own mortality. Things have gotten easier since then. The night terrors eventually wore off, but death keeps teasing me. It’s the bad joke at a party you’re trying to laugh off, but it follows you home and pesters you. The bittersweet ending to that long awaited holiday, the bad cherry on top of your cake. I keep asking myself. What to do when there’s no stopping a train you’re already on? And I keep telling myself. Hold on tightly, let go lightly. Hold on tightly, let go lightly. Hold on tightly, let go lightly.