I’ve spent my entire life grasping at straws:
When I was a kid, I felt unheard, and did everything that I could to be seen (Annoying.)
As an adolescent, I rebelled against everyone and everything, because the personality pendulum had swung too far in the other direction (Dangerous.)
If being nice, sensitive and accommodating to others caused me this much grief; I would be cold, callous and angry - because maybe then, someone would finally see me. If I wasn’t going to be heard, I would MAKE myself heard.
In my teenage years, I found romantic love for the first time and calmed down a bit. While the experience was passionate, and at times - extremely tender, it taught me that fire and intensity were the nature of human relationships (I had a lot of unlearning to do from there on.)
In early adulthood, on a whim, and in a safe environment at home with friends, I discovered psychedelics, and my true healing really began. Psilocybin and LSD taught me the boundaries of not only these bodies that we inhabit, but the nature of my relationship with the truest Self as a mirror for how others would come to see me in the world. It was like I had finally found the blueprint for how I could become the me that I had always imagined I was. When I finally gave in and surrendered to the magnitude of the human experience, I found everything I had searched for externally, right there in the same place I used to ask myself questions as a child (Inside.)
I started my healing journey trying to cover a wound that had never actually been there in the first place - I was never alone, I was always right here. The Impact of my Healing is (inexplicably, or thankfully, I go back and forth on this almost daily) more space healing. IYKYK.
c. Sean Williams, 2025-3033. digital, procreate 2480 X 3508 px, ART ONLY.
