Hogmanay 2000-something. New Year's Eve in Edinburgh. I'd just told my ex it was all or nothing: either we make this work properly or you go as far away from me as possible. Ideally the other side of the world.
We were too similar. Too volatile. Too much acid, too much intensity, the kind of relationship where you're either flying or crashing and there's no middle ground. I loved him completely and knew it had to end.
He chose Australia. Got married, had kids. I never saw him again and sadly he passed away about ten years ago.
But that same night, same tunnel, same party: my actual destiny was waiting for me and I had no idea.
There was this disused railway tunnel in Edinburgh called the Innocent Railway. And I heard that there was an underground rave happening for New Years' Eve. I'd bought this ridiculous black ball gown in the January sales with no clue where I'd wear it, painted it with Tippex markers and stars, and decided fuck it: I'm going alone.
Walked in. Everyone looked. Wrong dress, right energy.
Burned my leg on a fallen joint sitting by a generator talking to this random girl. Told her everything about the ex, the breakup, all of it. I all remember is that she was super kind and funny. Then I got up and started dancing with this friendly crowd. Didn't talk much to them, just danced and did rave things.
Years later I found the photos from that night.
Turns out one of those guys dancing was my now-husband, father of my daughter. The other was his brother, now my brother-in-law. The photo above is what is left from that fateful night.
And the woman by the generator? That was Sam. My best friend. I didn't even remember meeting her until years later when I asked her when we'd first met and she told me about the tunnel party, the painted dress, the ex.
I still have the scar from the joint burn lol.
The work 'OH FATEFUL NIGHT' shows echoes of the tunnel, the crowd, the moment right before everything changed. The dress, the stars, the underground lights. Me in the centre of it, not knowing yet that I was standing next to my entire future: my husband, my best friend, my family.
One decision sent someone to the other side of the world. Another decision, to go alone, to wear the dress, to stay: built everything.
(oil on canvas (76cm x 100cm) - physical included.)
