4) Escape Through Suicide

Statement: As an introvert, it has not only been difficult to open up to others, but to myself as well. This series is my journey towards internal and external self-expression. Though my initial works were not as effective, after experimenting through blending and integrating aspects of different pics, I created an alternate reality in my work, where self-expression became accessible. Veiled by visual representations through my peers, I explored my inner-self as a teen on the precipice of adulthood. Commentary: The cathartic process that made me push through the vulnerability revealed in my works was both horrifying and exhilarating. I began my journey searching for my identity in #1; the water portrays a distorted view representing the difficulty in seeing myself clearly. Because being a teen has taken its toll, I have attempted to escape through dreaming(#2), running away(#3), attempting suicide(#5), exploring sexually(#5), and substance abuse(#6&8). In #6, the mortality of the graveyard is juxtaposed with the girl smoking her way to an early death. In losing my virginity in #7, the teddy bear, a symbol for his innocence, is perched on the ledge of the figure’s bed, peering over and watching as he embarks towards adulthood, represented by the ominous woods. By layering my different emotions in #9, I was able to create a fingerprint-like texture, representative of my unique experiences that form my identity. #9&10 illuminate my ever-changing moods. I can have moments of clarity, where objects appear in vivid color, but also moments of darkness and cloudiness. In #11, the figure does not show her face; instead, something that resembles it emerges, looking dazed and confused. Ultimately, while this self-exploration has brought me to a place where I can better identify and reveal myself, I still prefer to loom in the shadows, as in #12.