To be honest I really didn't want to do this but I feel as an artist it's my responsibility to be truly expressive and open for the world. I fount myself this week at my lowest for some time, I'm a constant battler of depression, manic depression even. So reflecting on life I fount myself today simply crying on my bed, literally screaming into my jumper because that's the thing isn't it about depression, it's a battle between you and you and you clutch, almost begging to yourself, knowing one day you will just give in, you beg, please give me more time or some causality. Rubbing my eyes with the jumper I realized how horrible the material is and out of odd coincidence every time I could recollect crying this year was in this jumper, I don't like seeing correlations like this. So I took the jumper off straight away thinking "let's try and rage this out instead". I was looking for matches but saw my acrylic paints and instantly thought " I will coat this fucker in black paint like it deserves (thinking it will light up nicely/flammable maybe). Then I saw some spare hardboard next to me lying flat as I poured black paint on it. The I thought let's just make a mess on here for some back-drops I can use later. Then a face started to appear with this horrible jumper texture so I kept going, little pink, white tears dropping and suddenly I realized I made something that was absolute tragedy and pure within my own battle of unconscious expression. A singular moment of every element saying I'm here from the universe and that by pure 'coincidence' the feeling worked, the texture, the color, the subject, the personal relation, abstract expressive face...all coincided with that emotional intent in that singular time that cannot be replicated even by myself. I hope this can inspire someone to try and release their demons or atleast be more freely open about the battle. Acrylics on hardboard 300dpi 2200 x 3217 PNG.
