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Bad Karma is a piece inspired by deeds, faith, and dichotomy.
I can’t properly recall when I’ve first been introduced to the concept of Karma when I was a child. It feels so close yet so far, but I can’t never quite wrap my head around the first time I learned about the spiritual principle of cause and effect. Funny how some things you’re taught and raised with during your childhood just stick with you for the rest of your life.
I remember being a sweet, shy and optimistic child. I used to be bright. I’d always be nice and welcoming to others, even when they weren’t nice and welcoming towards me. I was taught and raised to believe that all of my deeds will have consequences. They could affect my path but other’s as well. I carefully started navigating through childhood with this idea in mind and began overthinking actions and thoughts at a very young age.
I eventually grown up and started facing traumas. All of the faith and hope started to crumble apart until nothing of my innocence and positivity was left. Anxiety, depression, death, violence, abuse, addiction. It felt like a betrayal. I gave everything I had to be on Good Karma’s side.
Why did I had to be nice, empathetic and respectful if it meant going through all of this afterwards? What did I do wrong to deserve all of the things that were happening now? It felt like I was burning from the inside and couldn’t find the source of a fire to extinguish. It felt like the universe suddenly turned me into a magnetic pole and all I could do was to attract negative things. It became a fatality. I named it Bad Karma. I life put me through this, I should have deserved it somehow. I was powerless and embraced the feeling, let it consume me until it became my identity. It’s not like I became a monster, I just felt like one. It felt unfair and dark all the time. I believe the harshness and complexity of this piece sums this experience quite well. I wanted to create Bad Karma as a piece that will hold and witness my younger self state of mind.
Years later, I still feel the weight and influence of an invisible karmic force guiding my steps, but my perspective on it obviously changed. For such a long time, I used to see life as black or white. All of the things I felt were always opposite and extremes. I struggled so hard to find a sense of balance in life. And I still do. Every day. But I also use my art as a reminder of how far I’ve come and really appreciate to depict memories of past emotions.
