July 26th - 13:46

Title: July 26th - 13:46 Medium: Super-8 film Aspect Ratio: 4:3 Resolution: 2880 x 2160 File Type: H.264 Codec / MP4. Comments: We took a ride to Nassau county to go see my half-brother, Carlo, at his moms house in Franklin Square. He was my fathers son and my older brother. Oddly enough I never visited his house until this day and he told me stories I never heard of about my dad owning multiple homes in Elmont before I was born. We used to be neighbors when I was little and my parents decided to move after a few incidents including a stolen bichon from our yard, a swing set theft, and a beige corvette car jacking. The house in Elmont is where I remember my first dream, which was a nightmare. The boogeyman chasing my sister and I up the stairs and me getting knocked down into the darkness. That same week I was accidentally pushed in the pool by my sister and nearly drowned as an infant. I vaguely remember sinking to the bottom with my eyes wide open and seeing a dark figure above the water jump in with all their clothes on to rescue me. It was my dad, who was my hero. We lived across the street from a cemetery, perhaps where the hauntings originated from... The last memory I had in this neighborhood was my mother and me in the car together alone, I was sitting in the back seat with a Batman action-figure in my hand. My mother turning back to me and admitting that I was supposed to be a twin and my twin had perished in the womb. Mom had 3 miscarriages. Before, During, and, After my birth. She said I was a miracle. And never brought it up again for as long as she lived. This makes sense to me now, understanding her complications with births and undergoing ovarian cancers. In a way was a foreshadow of her ailment. Since we had moved almost 30 exits away on the Long Island Expressway, I occasionally got to see my brother. Years went by without seeing his face and meeting his new girlfriends at his birthday parties. As I was a boy, he became a man. My favorite memories with my brother was when he used to pick me up from middle school in his cool ass whip. He would pick me up every week and we would get pizza together at my fathers restaurant, Mama's. I used to get so embarrassed when he picked me up blasting, " I Smell Pussy" by 50 Cent. He had a custom sound system so you can feel the vibrations in the car from the bass and hear him cat calling a mile away. After those fun times in middle school getting picked up by my brother, then I rarely saw him. Only a few times he would visit at night and hangout by the pool on summer nights with us while I was in high school. After I graduated and went off to college things took a dark turn and he and my dad would not talk for a while. Things got a bit messy while my mom was undergoing chemotherapy. I don't know what exactly happened but my dad was upset at him for a while. He finally forgave him and let him back in to his life. Now and again, I would have to remind my dad he is family and he should give Carlo a call every once in a while. After all, he is your first son, your blood. Family is a funny thing... I try to keep the peace, and let go of all the pain and heartache. Embrace the love, because we truly don't know when our last day will be and I don't want to regret not saying I love you, one last time. Forgiveness and acceptance is tough, but is freedom. I learned to never hold a grudge with family, there will be disagreements or frustrations. We just have to let that shit go and let live! Easier said than done, I know. We all don't know any better and doing our best. I guess thats why they say all our childhood trauma comes from family and thats the source of our healing. I am not perfect either and started to admit my accountability for all the pain and bullshit I caused my family. Getting into fights, selling weed, doing gangster shit... Growing up and paying it back and paying it forward. Writing peace treaties to my family and my so called enemies. Making amends with myself, accepting oneself to move on in life. Growing up, I think, is accepting fault and accountability when you know you are causing it. I love my brother, Carlo, as he taught me so much, a role model in a way to follow my own path. I took the psychedelic route and started to trip through life. Hell, thats how I got here and I am grateful. We learn from our parents, we learn from our siblings. This is how we become our true selves! This is the first project I was able to include my brother, Carlo, into and I know its not the last. Family is forever, the blood we share, and the source of it all. Maybe next time we meet I will be picking him up for a slice a pizza, and blasting the song, "I Smell Pussy" as a joke and a reminder how far we've come along.