Faded memories
Noise on the channel
The shuffle of feet
Sound of baited breath
History:
Over 4th of July weekend, 2019, I drove from Louisville, Kentucky to Bellevue, Washington. This footage from that drive languished on my phone for over 3 years. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and I wish I could live inside that moment forever.
On January 2nd, 2023, I couldn’t sleep because this phrase kept looping in my head, so I stayed up all night and into the next morning recording this song.
An Initial draft was originally released to my personal TikTok account on the morning of January 3rd, 2023.
Significance:
This piece speaks to the forces that have torn apart the world, this country, our homes, my relationships, and self since 2019.
It reflects my struggle with constant and debilitating intrusive thoughts and looping tics. Every action I take and each word that I speak must be carefully and diligently filtered from the background noise of my brain and nervous system. Every moment I feel the pull of a wolf chained inside me. Each castle I’ve built has been torn down by those who refuse to show this beaten animal any compassion. Every time, I have stooped to rebuild my life with increasingly worn out tools.
For many of us who contracted COVID-19, life’s difficulties now never seem to stop compounding in its wake; however, the state, our employers, families, and friends have all too often dismissed our symptoms and deteriorating health…or done far worse than mere dismissal.
This serves as a piece of American Folk-Art to document the real life of working cryptoartists in the United States immediately prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. It was the last time that I felt a genuine sense of optimism for the future. It was the last summer that I felt well. I sacrificed my own health and the prospect of fame to drive across this country for the security of a job that could provide and care for another. Now—at this moment in time—I have no home, no job, no money, no friends, no family, no security, no one to care for me, no optimism, no hope...and yet I am still so full of love.
America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.
Production:
Filmed, recorded, and produced on my phone. Edited in the bedroom of a temporary guest house in Mount Baker, Seattle. Performed on a Washburn acoustic guitar with a birdseye maple back and 2-year old strings.
