Falling into despair, searching for myself

ABOUT CONTEMPLATION: Sometimes, when I am alone, I get lost in the landscape. I like to create theories and think that I understand them. They are poetic theories. Let me explain: The Sun is the conductor of the landscape. It knows, it sets the tone: it is a god! The pagan god of beauty and color, giant and punctual. The mountains and their topographies have something musical that hypnotizes me. I can hear the peaks and valleys of their silhouette. I know that music is embedded in the Earth's horizontal silence. In every landscape, an arrangement of silence embracing everything. In the shell of things, the textures and colors. What are the birds? My God! Small creatures that sing and fly around! Without knowing that they sing and fly. And the big trees, what can I say? These giants so calm, they complain about nothing, they just wait and wait: like someone waiting for someone. I like to imagine that they are moving, running, perhaps, but in another time, and that, in fact, I am the one in a hurry. How I miss it! If a stream cuts through my landscape, I also know what it usually talks about. Streams almost always talk about time, impermanence, flow, about always changing and, despite everything, still being the same stream, full of the same fish and fishermen, who are never the same. Winding in search of an escape point. No return, no return, no return. And who can feel this landscape? It is me, for me, only me. I who have seen all the landscapes, I who am all of them too. One day, I saw everything as if it were the first time. And, in fact, it was. It was the first time I saw myself. After that, everything was already known, and from that knowledge a source of boredom sprouted. But the birds never bored me, despite their small repertoires. They don't need much. I do. That's why I see longing in the trees; I see longing in the streams. I am in all the things I see. Arrogant creature, as if everything were made for me. And how can I deny that it wasn't? // Oil on Canvas handmade painted by Susano Correia. The NFT represents the digital piece.